I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
