He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
