im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
