I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
