I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
