butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
