I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
