connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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