Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
