So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
