he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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