Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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