How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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