dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
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Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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