it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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