Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
