shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
