Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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