U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize