It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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