my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
