I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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