can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
