i wish my penis had a tongue
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
