Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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