ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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