I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
