I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
