I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
