My first STD was from a foam party
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
