bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
