So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
