If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
