his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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