I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
