Plan B is the new Plan A
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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