Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
