It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
