So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
