I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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