I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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