I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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