Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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