Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
