mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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