I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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