Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
