We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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