did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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