Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
