Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
