She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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