like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
