and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
