The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
