I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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