I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
