The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
