When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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