just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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