So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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