what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
