i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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