Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
