dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
