Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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