yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
