i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
