if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
