Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
