I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
