I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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