Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Please don't give away my fajitas
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