just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
