our cab driver is having phone sex.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
