Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
