I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
