If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize