hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
