just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
