I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
