I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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