I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
