does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
