At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
