i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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